Leader of the Love Party, Fay Freely highlights the plight of schoolchildren who have been bullied for loving Marmite, and the importance of education in dispelling the ignorance surrounding Marmite consumption.
The Hate Party – Stop the Spread
Leader of the Hate Party, Steve Heaving describes his party’s attitude towards Marmite eaters and where they should be allowed to ‘partake’.
The Love Party in a nutshell
Manifesto
Our aim is to Spread the Love of Marmite, first across this country and then across the world.
Every man, woman and child in the world is a Marmite lover. They just may not know it yet. Many are ignorant of Marmite’s many qualities, like how good it tastes and how it’s full of B vitamins. Many believe instead the vicious lies told about it by the Hate Party. The first priority therefore of the Love Party is one of education. Once the wonderful truth about Marmite is known throughout the world, there will be no more fear or hatred. Only love.
Party pledges
1. To accord ministerial powers to everyday Marmite lovers so they can help spread the message.
2. To develop new ways for Marmite to help tackle society’s issues.
3. To set up anger management courses for Marmite haters.
4. To criminalise all acts of face-pulling towards the Marmite-loving community.
5. Upon victory, to build a Marmite shrine for lovers across the world to congregate and worship.
Our aim is to Spread the Love of Marmite, first across this country and then across the world.
Every man, woman and child in the world is a Marmite lover. They just may not know it yet. Many are ignorant of Marmite’s many qualities, like how good it tastes and how it’s full of B vitamins. Many believe instead the vicious lies told about it by the Hate Party. The first priority therefore of the Love Party is one of education. Once the wonderful truth about Marmite is known throughout the world, there will be no more fear or hatred. Only love.
Party pledges
1. To accord ministerial powers to everyday Marmite lovers so they can help spread the message.
2. To develop new ways for Marmite to help tackle society’s issues.
3. To set up anger management courses for Marmite haters.
4. To criminalise all acts of face-pulling towards the Marmite-loving community.
5. Upon victory, to build a Marmite shrine for lovers across the world to congregate and worship.
The Hate Party in a nutshell
Manifesto
Our mission is to Stop the Spread of Marmite by reducing, and ultimately terminating, its production and consumption.
We believe that Marmite is a cankerous evil and responsible for much of what is wrong in this society. We reject the notion that the presence of B vitamins in Marmite justifies its continuing presence in this country.
Although the Hate Party’s long-term goal is for a total ban on Marmite, we will settle in the short term for containing the threat. We want less of it produced, we want less of it eaten, and we want the rights of those innocent taxpayers who fear contamination properly protected.
Party pledges
1. To set up designated Marmite-eating Zones across the UK.
2. To fight for the rights of the residents of Burton-on-Trent, a community living in the toxic shadow of Marmite’s factory.
3. To create a Spread Offenders List to expose Marmite-lovers.
4. Upon victory, to enforce a name change to Tarmite and the inclusion of warnings about the pernicious effects of Marmite on all packs
Our mission is to Stop the Spread of Marmite by reducing, and ultimately terminating, its production and consumption.
We believe that Marmite is a cankerous evil and responsible for much of what is wrong in this society. We reject the notion that the presence of B vitamins in Marmite justifies its continuing presence in this country.
Although the Hate Party’s long-term goal is for a total ban on Marmite, we will settle in the short term for containing the threat. We want less of it produced, we want less of it eaten, and we want the rights of those innocent taxpayers who fear contamination properly protected.
Party pledges
1. To set up designated Marmite-eating Zones across the UK.
2. To fight for the rights of the residents of Burton-on-Trent, a community living in the toxic shadow of Marmite’s factory.
3. To create a Spread Offenders List to expose Marmite-lovers.
4. Upon victory, to enforce a name change to Tarmite and the inclusion of warnings about the pernicious effects of Marmite on all packs
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