Marmite :: MNN - The Marmite News Network

Manifesto

Our mission is to Stop the Spread of Marmite by reducing, and ultimately terminating, its production and consumption.

We believe that Marmite is a cankerous evil and responsible for much of what is wrong in this society. We reject the notion that the presence of B vitamins in Marmite justifies its continuing presence in this country.

Although the Hate Party’s long-term goal is for a total ban on Marmite, we will settle in the short term for containing the threat. We want less of it produced, we want less of it eaten, and we want the rights of those innocent taxpayers who fear contamination properly protected.

Party pledges

1. To set up designated Marmite-eating Zones across the UK.
2. To fight for the rights of the residents of Burton-on-Trent, a community living in the toxic shadow of Marmite’s factory.
3. To create a Spread Offenders List to expose Marmite-lovers.
4. Upon victory, to enforce a name change to Tarmite and the inclusion of warnings about the pernicious effects of Marmite on all packs